Some Love, For You
by zashaxander
Summary: and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) - e e cummings


A/N: I don't really know what your ideal story would be, but I want to write something for you and I thought you might like this. I don't even know what it is yet. Seriously, writing the author's note as I try to come up with an idea, but you're really awesome and somehow despite how little I know you, I really want to make you smile. Love is so much more complicated than a lot of people seem to think – so here is some love, for you. X

* * *

_I think I just got caught up in it. Caught up in life, caught up in childish worries and childish frustrations. Caught up in being free. And I was so caught up in everything that I'm not sure I even noticed. I'm not sure I even noticed him, not at first. Not in the way I should have. _

"_Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD-"_

_**Her lips tasted like the most exotic, intoxicating fruit; kissing her is the most powerful drug I'll ever know. She's magical, and I didn't always know it, but as I danced around her for all those years I couldn't help but see... I feel in love with her so quickly, but the depth of my love... I don't think I've even got to the bottom of it today. Every kiss with her means something, even if it's a peck on the cheek as she rushes out of the door to her super important job, it's still from her heart. **_

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-"

_My dress is tight around the waist but I like the pinch, it's keeping me alert, and I need something to remind me that I'm not dreaming. And I have dreamed of this, I've dreamed of this day far more than I'll ever admit. People seem to think Castle's the one that has to conceal his dreams and expectations, he's the one that rushes ahead, but I thought about our wedding day the first time we made love. Before it, actually._

_The rain poured over my skin and I thought about everything I wanted to do before I died, everything I had so nearly lost, and I thought about HIM. _

_"I'm the one and done type."_

_These little things that you say, that you don't think about until they're out of your mouth and then you realise how much they mean. I told him to tell him off, to tease him, but when he said third time's the charm I had to stop myself from raising my hand and jumping up and down screaming pick me, pick me!_

_**We didn't write the vows. I kind of wish we had done, but Kate likes the old words and I know what she means. She wants to say the words her parents said, she wants to say the words hundreds of people have used, just like she wants to be married in a church, even though neither of us are religious. We talked about it. I was surprised, but a good kind of surprised. She said that despite her lack of religion, she has to believe in something bigger... **_

_**Her hand reaches across and I take hold of it. It's remarkably cold, trembling a little. She's nervous. I am too, she can feel my pulse racing, I'm sure. I look down at her and smile. She smiles back. Her face is glowing with happiness and excitement. She grips my hand tightly and we turn to face forward again. It's almost time, almost time for us to speak. **_

_Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle. The most ridiculous mouthful of a name I have ever tried to say, and once was more than enough! The minister is struggling now; Castle seems to be enjoying this. His eyes twinkle at me and then he says it, loudly and clearly. Because these age old words, this age old statement, is more than something he's saying. He _means_ it, too. _

"I do."

_**When Kate says it I think I can almost see tears in her eyes. It's hard to believe that this is the same woman I met six years ago with all those walls around her. She's feeling everything now, she's feeling this, she's feeling the love I have for her and the love she has to me and it's all coming together in front of all these people... When we first started talking about the wedding she said she wanted to elope. I wasn't sure whether she was joking or not...**_

_He had to convince me to do this. I can't believe it now, can't believe I didn't know that this was what I wanted. It's not like me... But it's actually more like me than I ever want to let on. The 'Beckett' everyone knows, Gates, Ryan, Espo... She's not who I was when I was younger. All the walls, all the hiding and hardening came after my mother died. But what being with Castle has made me realise is that I want to be me, and who I am isn't her death. I don't want to be who I am because of something awful. I want to be more than that. And I am. And when he tried to convince me to have this big stupid party I said no outright at first, but he didn't give up, and that's why I love him. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He knows how to make me happy. And this has made me so happy. _

_I owe it to him to make this promise in front of everyone we know, and he owes it to me. Finally, finally we are doing the right thing in the right place, and then his mouth is on mine and he sweeps me down and gives me the mother of all kisses until I'm blushing beet red and my dad's clearing his throat. _

_**I forget myself when I kiss her. I always do. It isn't until Jim coughs that I realise what I'm doing and help her to stand up again. We're both blushing as we walk back down the aisle for people to congratulate us again. Alexis is laughing and she probably isn't the only one. I see Kate wink at her and smile to myself. That was a relationship that took a while to blossom, but now it has I'm almost jealous. It took Lex a long time to admit how much she needed Kate, but now that she has, I don't think I could imagine a better family. We work so well together. **_

_It's drizzling outside. We deserve perfect sunlight, but the pathetic rain is actually kind of entertaining. The photos were supposed to be outside, but despite my modelling days, I'm not actually that keen on posing for posterity. The rain means we can keep the pictures to a minimum, the official ones anyway. Everyone's taking pictures on their phones too, and that's nice. And there's one big one with everyone together, Castle and me bang in the middle. The photographer's stereotypically arty and frustrated, and Ryan and Jenny's baby won't stop screaming. I like it even more than I thought I would, just like I liked the ceremony. _

_**We get in the car, the Ferrari, which Kate actually asked for. She's driving; most of her dress ends up on my lap and I don't think you could find a happier man in the world. Almost everyone is laughing as she drives away. **_

"_**I love you," I say cheerfully as she slams on the brakes for a stop light.**_

_**"I know," she replies, her wonderful eyes meeting mine. I'm desperate to kiss her again but she won't let me, forever the responsible driver. **_

_I don't think he realises how close I am to pulling over in a parking lot and letting him rip off my multi-thousand-dollar dress in this car that really was not designed with sex in mind, by the way. I'm married to a millionaire. Which means I am now a millionaire, a multi-millionaire. I have to laugh, it's just so... _

"_What?" he asks._

"_I'm rich," I say simply, grinning from ear to ear._

_"Damn it, I knew you married me for my money," he says. We're both laughing too. We're nearly there, the hotel we've rented out for the reception. I'm looking forward to it far more than I thought I would. I feel awkward at big parties, I'm not good at being the centre of attention. But since the engagement I've kind of had to get used to it. Castle's pretty good at keeping his private life private, but he's a famous man and being his fiancée was bound to get some attention from the press. _

_**We walk into the hotel, she's gripping my hand tightly again and I remember when our handshakes had to be so much more than that... I feel her shudder appreciatively as I use my thumb to massage her palm. **_

_**"Stop it, before I drag you into the ladies room for a quickie," she mutters. **_

_**"Insatiable," I tease. **_

_**"It's not my fault. I slept alone last night. Alone! I can't remember the last time I slept alone."**_

"_**Come off it, you're always napping on the break room couch."**_

"_**That doesn't count. Anyway, you've even started joining me there more often than not."**_

"_**Good point. Which reminds me, I really need to buy the 12**__**th**__** another couch. That one just isn't up to much."**_

"_**It's done us well enough up until now. And stop buying stuff for the precinct. It's inappropriate."**_

_**"Why? You're happy with the espresso machine."**_

_**"That was before we were dating, it's not the same."**_

"_**Kate, I hate to break it to you but we're not dating. We're married."**_

"_Shit, so we are," I whisper, widening my eyes in mock horror. _

_"I can't call you Beckett any more either," he says, making a face. _

"_Sure you can. I'm double barrelling for the sake of work. _

_"You realise if we have a child the poor thing's going to have at least five names?"_

"_They'll cope. Anyway, don't get ahead of yourself."_

_I haven't told him yet – I don't really know yet. It's only been a week or two. I just... Have that feeling. We're going to be _that _couple, the one with the baby just under nine months after the wedding. Not really though, since we've been planning the wedding for a lot longer... He sees something in my eyes and raises his eyebrows. Then his brow furrows as he counts in his head. _

"_You haven't had your-"_

_I chuckle. _

_"Are you?" He's smiling so widely, I feel like such a cliché. _

"_I don't know. But I'm never late, and I'm late, so..."_

_"Katherine Castle, you are a wicked woman. Can we buy a test now?"_

_"On our wedding night?" It's my turn to raise my eyebrows, but then I relax my face. "Honestly, Castle, I just... I don't want to know yet. If we have a child, that will be wonderful. But today is about us, just us."_

_He nods. "Fine..."_

**_I agree with her, and I hold my tongue, all through the party. I can't help but think about it, but I know that's not what she means. She doesn't want to be _****that ****_bride, not yet. I can't wait, though. I can't wait to see her as a mother. _**

"**_I thought you were taking the pill?" I whisper in her ear as we dance, a long way into the night. She smiles in that adorable self deprecating way she does. _**

"**_I was, but then they ran out and I didn't have time to go to the doctor, and... If I'd been planning anything of course I would have talked to you, but I didn't really think about it, and then I forgot... It wasn't until a few days ago that I realised, and I just wanted to go with it, at least up until today."_**

"**_You want a baby, though?"_**

"**_Yes. I do."_**

**_I have to kiss her again. She's so sweet, so smart and absent minded and brilliant. People are leaving now, we're almost the only ones left dancing. We haven't been drinking because we still have the drive up to the Hamptons, and also because we both wanted to remember everything, in focus. _**

_I go to get changed. Castle doesn't bother, he just takes off his jacket and tie. The rain has stopped and we drive through the night with the top of the car down, letting the cool air blow in our faces. The roads are clear and we breeze along them, smiling at the stars. _

_We could have gone anywhere, I have the whole week off. But we didn't want to have to do anything. The Hamptons house is familiar, we've stayed there several times before, and our first holiday there is one of my favourite memories of us when we were just starting out. Despite the body in the pool. _

_"What are you thinking about?" he asks. He's seen my face. _

_"When we first stayed at your house up here," I say._

_"Our house," he reminds me... _

They run to the door together and Castle surprises her, sweeping her up into his arms to carry her over the threshold after he unlocks the door. He carries her through neatly, kicking the door shut behind them and taking her straight up to the bedroom.

"You want anything?" he asks, smiling down at her.

"You," she whispers, her pupils already dilated with desire.

Her hair is slightly windswept, her cheeks are slightly red from the change in temperature. His eyes absorb everything about her as he sets her gently on the bed and leans down to kiss her. Her hands are already struggling with the buttons of his shirt as their lips meet, dissolving together into their well practised rhythm.

"Slow down," he murmurs into her mouth. "We have the rest of our lives..." but his hands are making quick work of the zip of her dress and her blue lacy underwear. She kicks off her shoes as she finishes with her shirt; he slides off his pants and scoots her up the bed, nudging her knees apart as he settles between them.

"We can be slow later," she says hungrily, taking hold of his hand and pushing it down between her legs. "I've been thinking about this all day."

"Me too," he mutters, moving his fingers tantalisingly close but not quite to where she needs them. He kisses her neck and she arches her back, moving her hips involuntarily as her centre aches for his touch. His mouth reaches her breast and sucks; she moans softly as her slender fingers reach down to run along his length. She loves him so much, she loves everything about him so much, but he does this so well, better than anyone she has ever known.

His kisses move lower and lower, his tongue tracing across her abdomen, but she pulls him up and grips his ass, trying to pull him to her again. He's ready, so ready, she can tell. He's just being him, putting her first like he always wants to, but not this time.

"With you, please," she says, unable to form proper sentences. He smiles, adorably unaware of how good she feels when he's inside her, always prepared to put her first and always flattered when she insists that what she wants most is to feel his pleasure too.

They fit together perfectly; he fills her and she rocks her hips immediately, starting their motion together. He gasps as she clenches around him; she grins. He isn't the only one that can be surprising. She winks at him.

"Careful," he moans, but he smiles back. His finger finally finds her centre and she lifts her hips right off the bed, pushing herself up with her hands to bury him even deeper inside her.

He's first, just by a few seconds, but he doesn't stop moving until she's shattering around him too, stars dancing in front of their eyes as they finally drift back down to earth and realise there weren't even sheets on the bed.

They pull the bare comforter over them and curl up together; Castle runs his fingers through Kate's tangled hair. They face each other, foreheads touching, their favourite (non sexual) position. Kate has never known anyone who she could hold this kind of eye contact with, it's infinite. They only break it when they realise they should probably shower and eat something and maybe make the bed...


End file.
